TV1 has landed the first broadcasting rights to ‘Stittsville on Patrol’. This new original TV series about surburban bylaw enforcement guarantees fame and fortune for all those involved!
On the first day of TIFF 2020 last week, a television broadcasting deal was announced to seem like it has something to do with the festival.
‘Stittsville on Patrol’ (6 clips at 7 minutes each) will give viewers uncomfortably close access to a neighbourhood watch enthusiast/tattle-tale. It is the first (and probably last) scripted comedy series to ever be greenlit by the Montreal offices of Bell Fibe TV1 and will premiere on community TV in early 2021.
“There was interest from all the major streamers and U.S. broadcasters, obviously,” says series creator Christopher Redmond, “but they were just offering too much money. Like, way too much. It was a bidding war. People got hurt.” Redmond explains that the overwhelming attention from Hollywood is not what he signed up for. “I don’t need any more glamour. I live in Ottawa. It’s already the biggest film and TV production hub in all of Eastern Ontario. Seriously, Cornwall doesn’t even come close,” he adds, smugly.
The series will star Ben Milks (The bRian5or6 Show), replacing Tom Cruise. “COVID restrictions made Tom’s involvement impossible,” says Redmond, who insists Cruise will remain credited as an executive producer in spirit. “I went with Ben because he’s available and actually lives in Stittsville. That’s about it.” Redmond laughs, making it unclear if he’s joking. “He’s a big personality and hard to control when the camera is rolling. Ben, not Tom. Tom’s a real pro, I’m sure. The guy does his own stunts. Ben… Ben’s just a loose cannon. But this is a press release, so for now, he’s under control.”
“Christopher Redmond is amazingly talented, handsome, and the best thing to ever happen to me, professionally or otherwise,” Milks says, more or less. “If this show receives any accolades, they should all go to him. And any failure should fall squarely on my shoulders.”
Christopher divulged to Stittsville Central, “This television production will be the biggest thing to happen to Stittsville since The Bobby Gimby Story. And best of all, the community finally gets to play itself, rather than doubling for exotic locations in Saskatchewan and Manitoba.”
“When I came up with the idea for ‘Stittsville on Patrol’, I knew there was only one person who could play the lead role. Tom Cruise. He was the obvious choice. And he’s definitely looking for a reason to return to Ottawa, because this is where he spent the best years of his life. But when COVID-19 happened, everything got complicated, so I had to think way smaller. That’s how I cast Ben Milks. But Ben’s only smaller in terms of talent and overall appeal. Tom is super short, Ben could probably take him in a fight. And when it comes to casting season 2, it might come down to that.
“We do have some other special cameo appearances planned. I can’t say who, because I don’t want to jinx anything. But let’s just say if we play our cards right, we should be getting our coffee for free.
“If you’ve ever wondered what Stittsville looks like after 8pm, this show is going to answer all those questions, and so much more.”
Christopher says of his submitted photo,”… captures me at the EXACT moment I had the idea to create Stittsville on Patrol, right after being ticketed for urinating on a bed of tulips in the Byward market. And Ben is researching his role having gone undercover for months, embedded in the life of a neighbourhood watch leader, to understand the psychology of his character. It’s also the last known photo of his whereabouts, and should be kept on file for any upcoming obituary”. Ben told us, “I got dragged into a forest by a wild pack of dogs behind Brown’s Independent and I had to learn how to live off the land for 2 weeks. And I’m better for it”.
All requests for magazine covers, sponsorship deals, and investment opportunities should be submitted before the series premieres on community television in early 2021. After that, good luck. Production is set to begin this October throughout North Korea.
We guarantee that Stittsville lies in wait for the premiere of this over-the-top production!
Our finest hour; bring it on.